We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
