Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
