I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
