The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
