Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
