A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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