I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
soo... how was my night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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