I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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