first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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