Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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