Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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