If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
