Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
