Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
