I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
