He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
