you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
