I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
