My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
