I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize