Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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