This girl is more easily done than said...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
