The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
