I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
