So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
