bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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