please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
