i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
