she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
