Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
