another moral hangover. fuck.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
