you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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