Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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