allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
