Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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