i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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