stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
