If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No subtext here. People are naked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
