They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
