It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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