Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
