CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
