It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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