Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
