the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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