Screwed.edu
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
