Nicole vs. Life
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
