A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
