I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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