Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
