I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
