I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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