Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
