at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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