Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
