She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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