the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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