so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
please come you make the beer taste better
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
