A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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