Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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