the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
