its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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