dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
