I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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