I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
