it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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