Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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