He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
