I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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