all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
