He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
