sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize