Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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